Thanks a million for your contact!

Hello there and thanks for checking out this link.

You’ve been sent this page link for one important reason: It seems you’ve confused me for someone else…

Now don’t feel bad, but this happens a lot..

No seriously, a lot. Especially in the last couple of years as technology gets smarter but the users of it get more and more confused. I’m getting messages, emails and even the occasional missed call from people thinking I’m who they’re looking for and it turns out nothing could be further from the truth. And so rather that repeatably message back ‘Oh I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong person again..’ I’ve built this post – it’ll save hours of typing if I just copy the link/point to this page instead.

Which means if you’ve been sent this link, your case of mistaken identity could have stemmed from any of the following:

-You’ve found my blog email address through this site and just about humped my email into submission with your thousands (okay 117 in three days and counting actually) of unwanted and spammy offers of redesigning this website, increasing my social media status to no end, ranking my way up Google and pretending you work in some unnamed Melbourne design emporium, when you all seem incredibly dodgy (and the same people all with different addresses.) Ha ha, no.

-I am not the Australian tourist who toured across Asia once upon a time and somehow had his Whatsapp number saved in your phone, by yourself or your ‘assistant.’ (It’s amazing how many of you claim your assistant was at fault here). The closest I’ve been to anywhere Asia related is Victoria Street Richmond (which is in Australia) where the food is awesome. Although if you tell me you want to be my friend anyway, you’ll score yourself some strange messages.

Allen, you have a lot of explaining to do

-I am not a fashion designer called ‘Mark’

-I am not Al the caricature artist from the US. On more than one occasion a hotel in the US has reached out for his services, only to end up with mine instead. I did point them to the correct Al’s email, but not before I whipped up this incredibly lifelike sketch of The Witcher to show my drawing range.

-I am not Nusep Almigo, creator of the study: “The development of speaking skills instruments in elementary school with rasch model analysis.” I was never involved and have absolutely no idea what that study is supposed to be about, even though a bunch of students in The Phillipines have now asked if they can use this study for their own purposes three times now.

-I am not Heidar Ahmadi, creator of the study “The Effect of Watching Videos in Pre-reading on EFL Learners Reading Comprehension and Attitudes”. Yes, the same students as above asked me that (sent to the same email address too!)

-I am not Llyod, the idiot from the US with the AOL account that for some reason signs up to anything and everything with my address. Llyod, you’re an idiot, stop this already.

-I am not a paramedic. I know this might surprise you (and it certainly surprised our child nurse) but I’m probably the last person you’d want attending you in an emergency.

– I am not Tim the CEO of A&L Shielding, although I did end up with his invitation to join a bunch of other CEOs in Atlanta for a round of…well whatever CEOs do when they get together in Atlanta. And even though Atlana US and Albury AUS are thousands of miles apart, I did offer my services as a guest speaker. They never got back to me.

-You’re attempting to cold call/email me and hoping your trick of mistaken identity will lure me into buying something off your company. Well the jokes on you in that case cos I’m broke and wasn’t interested anyway.

-You’re a Nigerian 419 Fraudster pretending to be a rich prince. In which case I wish you a good day, preferably under the wheels of a high speeding bus.

-Your ‘Co worker’ alerted you to my Instagram and you thought it was so awesome and I was so good at crushing it, you’re reaching out to help me dominate or reach more housewives or something. But the thing is, I know you’re lying because my Instagram is actually completely rubbish.
Oh and the fact that it’s the same email all the time with your and your coworkers name changed. Nice try ‘Stephanie’.

-You’ve sent me an invoice that I have nothing to do with. Funnily enough, I’m not actually building anything in South Africa at the moment, nor do I plan to in the foreseeable future. Oh and I’m not paying for whoever is either.

-I don’t have anything to do with medical equipment and don’t care how cheap your defibrillators are.

-You don’t fit any of those above categories but you’ve contacted me hoping you’ve hit the right person, but no, it seems you have not.

Oh dear, what do you do now then?

Well to save any future hilarity or more confusion at both of our expenses, it would probably be a good idea to double check the email or number, and then delete all contact. If you’ve signed me up to something spammy, please unsubscribe me because I’m only going to delete your work anyway. And if you’re offering me anything, I’m good, cheers – I haven’t bought anything from a cold caller in decades.

While you’re here though, maybe enjoy the place and have a flick through some other posts? Who knows, maybe this confusion and mistaken identity has now led you to your new favourite website.

Here’s hoping!

(But not the Al or whoever you think I am..)

Times so far the link to this post has been sent to the confused: 5

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