‘You have one new email from Shelly’. And so continues this bizarre email exchange where I try my absolute hardest to convince this woman I’ve never met that I’m not actually a CEO and she flat out ignores my replies, convinced one day I’m going to show up on the other side of the world after all of her invitations.
Yes Hollywood writers might be on strike right now but if Netflix needs a new mystery to work with, maybe there’s something here? You be the judge as the saga of me being confused for someone else continues..
Shelly works in Atlanta. And I don’t. In fact I’m thousands of miles away here in Australia.
She’s also convinced that my name is Tim D and that I run a company called A & L Shielding. Okay yes, my actual name is kind of similar to that business name I guess but as you’ll see, the more I try to explain who I actually am, the less Shelly actually wants to read about it.
Now having no actual idea on what Shelly looks like, I can only imagine it’d be someone not keen on reading modern technology, ie email replays. Therefore the role of Shell herself in this post will be played by this secretary from the 1947 classic ‘Duties of a secretary.’
I of course will be playing myself with the closest photo to being a CEO I have, namely:
It started off with this opening email.
Hi D, I found your Linked In Chief Executive Officer profile interesting. The Atl CEO Club is planning some upcoming meetings and I think you would really enjoy the speakers and annual benefits. Would it be okay to email you the details? Let me know either way thanks D.
Yours truly,-Shelly, warming up
Okay, obviously sent to the wrong person. No worries, I’ll explain this as only I can.
Greetings good Shelly, great to hear from you!
Personally I’d love to be part of your CEO club and not only enjoy your speakers and annual benefits, but also get up and tell the room a few stories of my own if you like? I’m happy to share everything from the time I found a huntsman in my Subaru to getting blind drunk in Sydney for three hours and forgetting where my hotel was. While it probably won’t help anyone in Atlanta being a better CEO, I think they’ll be quite impressed by my pluckiness and hilarious tales.
Do you have a machine that plays slides? This idea could go even bigger! Who doesn’t like a five hour slide presentation with hand made sound effects?
We might have to do this over Skype though, me being in Australia and all.
P.s I believe you have the wrong address, just a hunch. Maybe Tim from the Shielding Mob doesn’t know his own address. But please consider the slides anyway..-My reply because I don’t like doing boring emails.
Now that should be more than enough I thought to convince good pal Shelly that she had the wrong address. But welcome to the year 2023, where people just don’t have the time to read anything. I’ve found this out trying to sell my car and dealing with people who just liked the pictures and didn’t bother with anything else, and now Shelly has skipped over my reply.
Two months later – Shelly returns
Hi D, just making sure you got my last email regarding the Atl CEO Club. We have some great speakers through the rest of this year and I think you would like it. Could you look at our upcoming schedule on the site below? Registration covers a full year. It is at:
Best regards,-Shelly’s back, tell a friend
I forgot to get back to Shelly this time around but it’s okay, because I don’t think she would have read the reply anyway. And it turns out I was right, because soon enough:
One month later, Shelly is back like verterbrae
Hi D, just following-up regarding the Atl CEO Club. We have some great speakers in the next few months like Ben and Jerry (Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream), Lori Greiner (Shark Tank) and Alex Gorsky (J&J) and I think you would like the other leaders in the group. Could you look at our upcoming agenda on the site below so you don’t miss out? (Registration covers a full year + access to all past speakers) It is at:
Truly yours,-More Shelly, in case I forgot all about her.
Still amused by this, I email again. Only this time I really make things interesting to the point that anyone actually reading this would probably never send me anything again for the sake of their own sanity.
Good friend Shelly, glad to hear from you again!
I was a little worried that when I emailed you back last time you’d actually read my email in full and realise that I am not D Tim (whoever he is) and probably couldn’t look like him if you hit me with months of skilled plastic surgery and handed me his lanyard. But the good news is you didn’t and that makes me rapturously happy. So for the sake of this hilarious conversation, I will play the role of D Tim.
Look, like you I was hoping to like the other leaders in this group and for the most part I do. Lori can do incredible accents and her version of a drunk Putin is a riot. Ben and Jerry are very amusing too, especially when they introduce themselves as each other and flat out refuse to ruin the joke. But AG? Yeah no, not for me. I can’t go into too many details for legal reasons but suffice to say it’s a gripping tale of an old 80’s Mazda, a trunk full of cd singles and a federal investigation involving various plant life from a country people can barely pronounce. Ever since the judge ruled in the schools favor, Alex and I haven’t seen eye to eye. So much so if you put us in the same room and there’s a plate of mashed potato nearby, bad things happen and I’m not really that keen to ruin your big day, not when you’ve worked so hard on it Shell.
Wait, can I call you Shell? I feel with our super focussed back and forths I’ve gotten to know you really well but if you don’t like being called Shell please let me know. Maybe because we’ve become so chummy, you’d prefer a nickname? Maybe one of the following?
B) Shellton Benjamin
Anywhoos, that’s enough for me in this communication, I’ve got to go off and be the CEO of a company in Atlanta I’ve never heard of. Maybe I could play a round of staff roulette? Each staff member gets a number and if the ball lands on it, they have to wash my car. Everyone else however must submit a 1000 word report on my desk by this Friday on how the wash went.
How good is being king?
D TIM-Me, hoping she’ll read it this time.
But no, it doesn’t end there because..
4 days ago, Shelly knocking on my email door..
Yay, she’s back!
Hi D, the Atlanta CEO Club is hosting a webinar with both founders of Ben and Jerry is next month and I think you would really enjoy the group. You can see our agenda and annual benefits on the site below (registration covers a full year + access to all past speakers):
Could you respond back with “Received” so I don’t need to call? Thanks D.
Sincerely,-Shelly clearly not reading anything I’ve ever sent to her
So here we go again!
Oh Shelly, my Shelly,
It’s so good to hear from you again! Here I was thinking that back on June 21 of this very crazy year when I explained that I am not D Tim and D Tim isn’t me, that this would be the end of things.
But awesomely, here we are again. The confusion continues. Apparently even with the beard I’m growing, apparently I still someone resemble an Atlantan CEO.
We’ve had how many one way exchanges now? I forget, it’s not important. What is though is that after all this time, I keep receiving your amazing offers.
So secretly, I hope you don’t read this one and this hilariousness continues because it is highly entertaining and possibly the closest I’ll ever come to being a CEO of anything.
Stay confused Shell, I certainly am.
-AlMe, feeling like this might actually go on for some time..
Am I the only one here wanting to be a fly on the wall when she finally calls D Tim and the confusion continues in a different form? Something tells me this strange occurrence might go for quite some time – it might pay to bookmark the tale of Shelly now because this saga might be updated again before you know it!