As a fellow blogger once told me ‘Even when things are working, it’s still good to cast an eye under the hood from time to time.’*
And so armed with a cup of tea (I’ve had enough coffee for today) I’ve delved deep into the search console, the source, the code, the matrix, the back end, the ones and zeros and any other way you could describe the digital building blocks that make this place run and fished out some very interesting queries that managed to point searchers in this direction for whatever reason..
*They’re talking about blogging obviously but the same train of thought could certainly be applied to car maintenance.
Thank you Google Analytics search console
I am a big fan of GA and all the info it supplies, even if (and I’m fine to admit this) a lot of does go over my head. But that’s okay, because even though I have only the vaguest idea what user acquisition cohorts is all about, I’m far more interested in what the Search Console of Google Analytics is coughing up. Or in simpler terms: What are people searching for that leads them here to the blog?
(Seriously if you’re running a blog and not incorporating some kind of analytics then you really are missing out on some good info and on occasion, the odd laugh.)
One man, many a query.
And most of them are normal, questions for the search console such as ‘3d print gridfinity‘ which takes you here, ‘Amazon fire stick good guys‘ which gets you to the time my son found a TV and I bought a Fire Stick to improve it to no end and ‘Best battery whipper snipper Bunnings‘ which was one of the many ways readers explored my Nerf toy. Sorry, latest whipper snipper.
However I’m not exactly sure about any of the following fished out from this page’s analytics search console: (Although I’ll have a general stab in the dark at the why of them..)
ALBURY ONLYFANS/ ALBURY WODONGA ONLYFANS
Now either there’s a creeper in the same area I currently live in wondering out loud if there’s any Onlyfans content creators also residing here (in that case stalking is bad, mmmkay?) or it’s search from an Onlyfans content creator based here, checking if they have any local competition. I’m not sure if I’ll ever find out which one landed here.
(For the record I did find a couple of OF creators from both sides of the Border so they certainly exist. No I won’t link them, do your own research. I do wonder if they’ve visited this page before though..)
ANIMAL MAN SEXY
I think I might leave this one well alone. For the sake of both our sanity’s, I don’t think we need to see what a search like this might actually uncover.
BIG SKY WCW
‘Big Sky? Who the hell was Big Sky in WCW-‘
Oh wait, I clean forgot. Sabretooth was Big Sky. And I for one am so glad he moved onto bigger things.
CYBERPUNK TURN ON HEADLIGHTS
Oh clever me. At first thoughts I thought this was a search console query from someone getting turned on by Cyberpunk looking headlights. Like the old Chromebook art perhaps? (I won’t judge, whatever floats your 90’s RPG boat I guess..)
But thinking on it as I finished my tea, I think they’re asking ‘How do I turn on the car headlights in the Cyberpunk Video game?’ And my site pops up because of my books on the genre which you should read because they’re awesome and I need the royalties.
(For the record: On PC you hold down the V key. You’re welcome)
FENURGEN
I wrote the word once in this post about Supercoach and this blog still counts as a possible source for more info. Amazing.
HOTTEST SPICE GIRLS
I never wrote about the hottest one (I was far more into 90’s Hip Hop than I was about Spicing up My Life) but as subjects on this blog go, yes, I once even blogged about the Spice Girls. This blog truly does venture into different spheres on the odd occasion.
As for the who the hottest is though? Still no idea. Uppercut Spice? Spice Master Flex? (Although I do feel for Geri Halliwell if her husband truly has been messing around behind the scenes.)
MALVERN STAR BIKE INSURANCE
Okay, I can completely understand this search console question. If you have a Malvern Star Bike and it’s worth more than a handful of shiny gold coins + you’re worried about dodgy Dave from down the road possibly knocking it off when you’re busy sleeping then yes, Malvern Star Bike Insurance is probably a very good idea.
On the other hand if you are the proud owner of a Malvern Star Octane bike that you picked up for free by the side of the road like I did (and it’s seen far better days) then it’s probably not worth insuring given that only the most desperate would want it. Still, it’s up to you.
PEPE MCMICHAEL
Hilarious, someone else on the web remembers the WCW announcer bringing his tiny dressed up doggo to work..
SAGITTARIUS WWE WRESTLERS
I don’t recall ever blogging about wrestlers and their star signs (and if I did then Chris Jericho’s should be a Stop Sign) but out of sheer search console curiosity, I did search for anything to do with anyone born under the sign of the the archer and discovered it got me to the both Pepe the puppy above and my WCW wrap up of 96.
Completely incorrect wrestling federation but I did use the word Sagittarius which I completely forgot about. The more you know.
(Incredibly there are a lot of WWE/former WWE wrestlers who are Sags including: Stone Cold Steve Austin, Jerry Lawler, JBL, Christian, Kurt Angle, Beth Pheonix, Trish Stratus and Rey Mystereo just to name a few!)
And finally…
AS A CHILDLESS MAN, A NEW COFFEE MACHINE IS MY PRIORITY.
Oh search console, have I left the best til last here?
Super #oddlyspecific and I’m not sure which is stranger – the fact that someone typed this very sentence into Google or the fact that the one time they did type exactly that, they visited my page because of it. Completely confused, I copied that exact line into Google and tried to find the link between there and here to no avail. Perhaps it got the curious searcher to this post about the work coffee machine?
But what’s the lack of kids got to do with it? I’ve got two and caffeine is a godsend. No idea but I hope they, like you today, enjoyed their visit!