My love hate relationship with Facebook Classifieds

What I’m trying to do: Sell an old bike.

What’s happening instead: Another reminder on how Facebook Classifieds is 1 part selling success but 19 parts equal hilarity and frustration..

Make way, make way..

It’s the same scenario I take on at the start of a new year, clear out stuff I haven’t used for ever and am highly unlikely to pick up and use again in the next 12 months. If it’s junk it goes in the bin, if I reckon there’s a few bucks in there then up on Gumtree or Facebook Classifieds it goes (because hey, who doesn’t need a few more coins in their life?) Someone gets a bargain, while I get more space and hopefully some money in the process – a de-cluttering win win really. (Nods in Marie Kondo)
And while I’ve never made a fortune selling this way, I have been doing it for a while and found that success in selling is not overnight (usually) and can take time, but it’s there if you’re prepared to wait.
You just have to weather the occasional idiot along the way.

Now about this bike

Amazingly it wasn’t bought from Facebook Classifieds but at a recycling shop because I had the wild idea that a cheap bike from there would revolutionise my fitness. I’d be dripping in sweat and sex appeal in no time and hardened cyclists would nod in admiration as I drifted past them sideways while battling against Cadel Evans in a friendly sprint down the local bike track.
How any of that would happen on this bad boy is anyone’s guess but a boy can dream.

Because (I know this will shock you) I know seriously little about bikes. The last time I owned one was in my late twenties when I got a bike free with my broadband deal. I put it together in correctly, rode it once and left it there. And so a decade and a bit later, I just grabbed this one on a whim because it had all I needed – two wheels, pedals, a seat and something to hang on. That’s how you bike isn’t it?

Gears? It has then but I’m not sure how they work. Brakes? Rear yes, front strangely absent. I was going to fix this but never got round to it. Same with the chain which has seen a lot of time out in the elements, never got to fix that either. I mean I only ever rode it a handful of times, these upgrades (I think the bike community likes to call them maintenance) weren’t exactly high priority.
And so rather than let it stay in the back rotunda where it’ll gather spiders all year for another year, off to Facebook Classifieds it went. $20, come and grab it.
Cue the strange.

How much is it?

Someone asked me if it’s still available (god I hate this question on Facebook classifieds, if the ad is still up then why wouldn’t it be? Especially if it’s been up for the length of a cup of coffee or less.) Then they asked me how much it was, even though the ad clearly states it’s a steal at $20.
So I pointed them back to the ad itself where it explains everything.
And I think that’s when they finally looked at the location and discovered that Albury NSW Australia is in fact nowhere near Singapore.

What’s much closer to me though is the suburb of Lavington where another curious buyer contacted me this morning from, asking if it was a junior bike. No idea. Then he asked for my address and discovered that no, a ten minute drive was too much to ask, sorry for the hassle.
(Maybe he was going to ride it back??)
So the bikes is still for sale at the moment, 20 bucks, come and grab a bargain.

This isn’t the first, it certainly won’t be the last..

No, I have quite the history with Facebook classifieds all parts good, bad and ugly.

-I once tried to give away a 6 burner BBQ which should have been easy, who doesn’t want a free BBQ? Instead all I got was endless stupid questions and bottomless cups of frustration with people who couldn’t grasp the concept that it was out on the lawn and if you wanted it, all you had to do was swing by and pick it up.
No one did in the end so I took to it with a power drill and took the pieces to the scrap metal bins at the local tip. Gah.

-My dying BENQ monitor stayed in the shed for 6 months until one night I got a message late at night asking when a buyer could come around and grab it because it was just what he needed. Foolishly I said ‘come round now’ because it was an easy ten dollars and all was going well until he recognised my voice from the radio and started a conversation verging on the stalkerish that went for quite a while.

I hope you don’t mind, but I looked a little deeper into your Facebook…

-Creepy buyer, late at night

Yeah not weird at all..

I tried to sell this thing (it’s a levelling sensor for a 3D printer) and instead of buyers, I ended up with people trying to tell me how to use it properly.
Yes the instructions had been very vague (this is what you get for buying cheap generic sensors instead of the official brand) but after installing it six ways from Sunday and having it bug out every time, I was at wall punching stage – hence landing on Facebook classifieds for a quick sale.
‘But have you tried this?’
‘No and I don’t want to.’
‘Do you want to try this?’
‘What I want is to sell the damn thing, not talk shop.’ And it did sell…not before someone else chimed in with some advice on how to best use it.

-And back in 2013 someone used the always amusing go to ‘But I can buy it cheaper at this store..’

Currently we’re selling a surround sound unit for $100 and after knocking back another low baller, she replied with: I don’t mean to be rude but you can buy that exact model at Dick Smith for $79.95. Which gave us a much needed chuckle as my wife’s unit is more than 6 years old and if it was still available at Dick Smith, their shelf stockists must be having the decade off. Funny how we don’t hear from them when we call their bluff.

‘I’ll give you $10 for your Ferrari’ – Almigo’s Adventures blog

And don’t get me started on selling a car on Facebook Classifieds – especially if it’s turbo’d and Japanese, you’re just asking for dropkicks and dreamers.

Ahh what fun.
Now after all that, can I interest you in a bike?