Look Supercoach Squad, as your coach I didn’t want to have to do this but you’ve left me no choice. In recent weeks there have been players who have dropped out last minute, not shown up because reasons, started on the interchange and never left there the entire game and all sorts of other random shenanigans including complete lack of effort that have helped evade victory for a very long time now.
So welcome to extreme rules week. Pray you’re not on the bottom of the list because if I get whiff of someone even a bee’s todger better than you in ability, then out you go..
Skip the showers, head straight to the car park and get gone.
Yes, it’s time to severely cull the Feed The Machine Supercoach Squad because right now this unit is like a damaged BMW 5 series. We fix one thing, two more fail. We fix those things, someone else blows up. We host a full team and still somehow spin off into a wall at high speed/ So rather than play patch up, I’m going to sort the players from worst to best and go on the hunt for better options.
Which means based on average, Supercoach Squad heroes Maccrae, Penders and Gawn are safe. Meanwhile Durham, Kennedy and Supercoach Himmelberg are not.
And so working my from the bottom, I perused the list of free agents in the respective positions if they played roughly the same or more amount of games and those they were replacing and they had a better average, that was it. I didn’t care where they came from, if they were rookies or veterans, if they were better than I had then then were welcome to lace up the boots and come joined the Supercoach squad.
And wouldn’t you know it? Under this scheme a grand total of 7 players fell by the wayside and found themselves replaced. And after making all the cuts and substitutions to my list, I announced it to the rest of the coaches. Because I figure if I’m going to do something extreme and possibly stupid (remains to be seen really) then why not have an audience along for the ride? Reactions generally went as expected:
You’re brutal.-Boxing is better
Wow clean out of the year right there.-Leigh’s Lemurs
That’s a big swing of the axe.-Purple Drapes
The Machine has been chewed up and spat out-Crypto Currency
I was ready to swoop in like a vulture on these axed players… but I think I might get food poisoning if I try feed off those..-Tysonic Hedgehogs
And so with a not so heavy heart (because Supercoach squad business is still business) we farewell Durham, Himmelberg, Kennedy, Battle, Berry and Keays and welcome to the fold:
Lachie Schultz FWD – (Represented by Captain Stingaree. No seriously, that’s his name. No I’m not making it up either.) He’s from Freemantle and is no relation to Charles Schultz. Actually I don’t care who he’s related to, just as long as he brings hellfire and brimstone to the footy field and does it in such a way, I win massive points and finally have a victory after so long. That’s not too much to ask for is it?
Ryan Byrnes – MID/FWD – (Represented by Eraser. Good gods are we scraping the bottom of the DC villain universe here…) You can put him on the mid line, you can put him on the front line, you can put him anywhere! Actually that last statement isn’t true, but dual role players are very handy in filling gaps in teams and I’ll take as many tricks as I can right about now.
Lachlan Sholl – MID – (OMG it’s Cat Man!) It’s a case of one Adelaidian out (Keays) and another one in although at this stage of the game I couldn’t really care where anyone hails from anymore, if they’re better than the below average then I’m throwing them a contract with everything and the kitchen sink on it. If Tasmania wasn’t spending the next five years working on their own footy team, I’d probably be raiding their rookie list right about now too.
Tom Barass – DEF – (Hush now, it is Hush!) For some strange reason there’s a few West Coast Defenders available in the free agent market. Yes I know they’re having a rubbish year, but the guys there are doing better than half my squad currently and that says a lot. So now I have three Eagles and a Tiger playing defence. Hopefully that’s more than enough!
Lachie Hunter – FWD – (Oh wow, Spellbinder…better hide your wands!) He played 5 average games and then had a blinder. Then he had 4 more average games and then, yes you guessed it, blinder time again. Following that logic I hope we don’t have to wait three more games for him to hit 100+ in a round again. Break the cycle Lachie, I believe in you!
Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera – DEF – (Lordy lord, it’s the one and only man of time himself! It’s Clock King!) Owner of the longest name in the locker room by a country mile, Nasiah is part of the St Kilda juggernaut that seems to be doing quite well for themselves in the actual AFL competition. With a bit of completely random luck that will translate to him scoring highly for this team because we certainly can’t go any lower at the moment..
New and improved Supercoach Squad roll out!
So now that the smoke has cleared from the hiring and firing bombshell, it’s a good news, bad news situation for the Supercoach Squad easing into round 10. The mostly good news is that the team is all active and ready to play:
The mostly part is that Macrae starts off on the interchange bench so might not get a super high score as usual. Just in case, I’ve made Gawn captain this week (because usually reliable Penders only scored 50 last week.)
Also Byrne-Jones has been moved to further down the field in his actual game but there’s no way to do it here. Hopefully that doesn’t mess up his points game somehow (he’s still playing, so that’s a thing!)
The impending Supercoach Squad bad news part could be summed up with this tasty gif:
Where I’m RVD on the ladder already, excited with victory so close to hand. Only suddenly I find out my opponent this week is FrownyJr (Shelton jumping into the frame there) who hasn’t lost a single game yet. Yes just as I rebuild the BMW, the game throws the toughest challenge yet in the form of the king of the ladder.
Oh well. Blaze of glory time.
Round 10 results..
Well that went as well as expected. Low lights included Barrass failing to show (he probably forecasted the Eagles getting completely mauled by the Hawks and decided not to be a part of that) and the fact that we got whipped from pillar to post, again.
Which meant even if Barrass did show, it wouldn’t have made any difference at all.
However there were some high points to pick out of this demolition job:
Gawn – 148
Maccrae 145 (and clever me took the Captains crown off him…f me sideways..)
So some of these new picks have really paid off the first time I’ve used them! Hopefully this is a sign to come because footy gods know we need it right about now..
Next week then? Please?