Bits N Pizzas 005 – Let the Domino’s fall

This week it’s all about a terrible X files album, marketplace clowns and how we’ve decided not to be burnt by Domino’s pizza ever again.

Songs in the key of what?

The year was 1996, X Files was one of the biggest TV shows around here in Australia and because of how much I enjoyed the wild and wacky adventures of Moulder and Scully, I foolishly bought a copy of Songs in the Key of X aka the X Files album as soon as I tripped over it.
And I say ‘Foolishly’ because looking back at it with 2024 eyes, I really should have hesitated on the line on the front cover songs from and inspired by X files.

Yes indeedy, not every song on this album got a run in the hit TV show, they obviously looked at the space that would be left over after the initial selection and thought ‘Er…what can we fill this with? What else sounds like it could fit here?’

And having found another copy of this for $2 at an op shop last year, I recently gave it another run on a recent trip to Melbourne, more to remind myself of how truly random some of the tracks were and why I thought it was a good idea to buy this in the first place (the first and second times).

Let’s take a look at the Good, The Bad and the downright confusing here shall we?

For some reason I had it in my head that PM Dawn was one person.

SONGS IN THE KEY OF X – THE GOOD

X Files Theme – Mark Snow. A no brainer here, if you didn’t include the theme on an X-Files film there’d probably be a riot.

Unmarked helicopters – Soul Coughing. Just on title alone this belongs here given how often the secretive government got involved in episodes. Nowhere near as good as Screenwriters Blues or Super Bon Bon by the band, but it fits here.

Down in the park – Foo Fighters. I’ve been undecided on this one for quite some time given it really lacks the fire and energy of a Foo Fighters song and the unadulterated rock vibe of one D Grohl. However reading into it I realise now this cover does fit this album, given it’s sci-fi origins came from Gary Numan and Tubeway Army and is so much darker than a quick listen would suggest.

On the outside – Sheryl Crowe. Again, I have no idea if this appeared in an actual X-Files ep or just sounded like it should but it finds itself in the good pile on account of how haunting it is and how many times I replayed it as a 16 year old (I don’t know why though, maybe because something connected back then?)

Red Right Hand – Nick Cave. There’s just something about Nick Cave songs that seem to fit so well with certain TV shows (if you’ve absorbed enough Peaky Blinders then you’ll know exactly what I mean here.) And Red Right Hand has plenty of gloomy mystery and alien vibe to fit the bill perfectly here. If only a few more songs matched the pace and dark energy of this one.
Actually speaking of energy..

Frenzy – Scremin Jay Hawkins. I can’t tell you which season, I have no idea which episode, I’m too lazy to look it up. But I do remember this played in an episode of X Files somewhere, so yes it deserves it’s spot in Songs in the key of X. And it’s a bit of fun to boot in the midst of some plodding other choices.

Deep – Glenn Danzig. Dark, moody, tick.

Hands of Death (Burn, baby burn) – Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper. Yes, yes and yes. I was a huge fan of Rob’s work in the late 90s (how good was Astrocreep 2000!) and apparently teaming up with Alice Cooper here for this song was a dream come true for him. Gloomy voices, thumping guitars, devil worshipping. Many an X File ticked off with this one.

Your dream come true was a highlight here Robbo

SONGS IN THE KEY OF X – THE BAD

Man of Steel – Frank Black. Things aren’t going well when I had to YouTube this to remember what I was about to write. And after thirty seconds I remembered ‘This would do well in a Superman origin movie.’ Which the X-Files certainly was not. It’s lost here.

Unexplained – Meat Puppets – A largely forgettable song about stars? I get why it’s here but it hardly screams ‘X Files episode soundtrack.’

The X-Files Theme remix – PM Dawn. Because one X Files theme wasn’t enough, neither was there enough PM obviously. It’s an interesting take complete with the occasional bit of Moulder speaking and a man moaning and yelling but you’ll get sick of it pretty quickly.

I’m picking up a lot of PM Dawn here Dana…

SONGS IN THE KEY OF X – WHAT THE HELL?

Star me Kitten – William S Boroughs and REM. Seriously if you’d given me the chance to win some big money by identifying the famous band supporting Willy here without me seeing it on the back of the album cover, I’d completely miss out on the money having no idea it was REM. And I like a few REM songs including Drive, The One I love and anything other than Everybody Hurts or Shiny Happy People. However Automatic from the People from REM was never in my collection growing up, so for years I’ve missed the fact that this song was just a different take on Stipe and co’s work from 1992.

Be that as it may, I can’t for the life of me understand why it’s here. Did William show up in an episode? Was Moulder a Boroughs fan? Was Michael Stipe an alien one season? It’s seems one the few odd ones out.

Thanks Bro – Filter. I love Filters ‘Take a picture.’ This song however is so far removed from that, the camera shop closed decades ago. Plodding away at a boring pace and with no obvious connection to anything X Files related, it was a good workout for the skip button.

My Dark Life – Elvis Costello. Yes it’s moody, yes so was X-Files. But at six and a bit minutes long, unless you’re a big fan of Elvis Costello this one can be a bit of a chore and self reflecting mood aside, where are the goat sucking aliens and their probes in this one?

If you never say goodbye – PM Dawn. Apparently it’s about the end of the world? I honestly couldn’t tell. Quirky but song subject aside, it seems more like a filler track than anything that instantly makes me go ‘Government agents are interfering here again!’

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss is a banger though.

Sorry, it’s gone..

Well it’s been a while since I last whinged about clowns on Facebook Marketplace so it’s really long overdue. This week I tried to buy a motherboard and CPU combo that I found locally. I’ve been keeping an eye out for cheap upgrades on Facebook to improve the kids computers and when this combo deal appeared, I shot through a message…

..only to be told that it’s not available. Fair enough then, I must have just missed out.
However even after informing me that it isn’t for sale via message, a day and a half later the ad is still up, ergo the item is still for sale?

Something something idiots, something something so little time.

Logic suggests that if it’s sold, taking it off the market would stop people like me messaging about it yes? But then it’s been a while since I bought anything off marketplace, so I needed to remind myself that logic is something you won’t find on Marketplace no matter how hard you look.

Enjoy your combo whoever bought it (if someone did.)

Finally, Domino’s what the hell did I just buy?

(Oh boy finally, a bits N pizzas about actual pizzas!)

Last night I shelled out $65 for Domino’s Pizza to bring round an offering that’s made the entire family decide never to order Domino’s pizza ever again.
No it wasn’t truly bad (although I’ll vent on my pizza choice in a sec), just nowhere near the size or value we were used to which left a bad taste in our mouth, more than a lack of certain fruit ever could.

Now for the record your honour it’s been a while since we called in a Dominoes order. But Jack was off watching his mate play basketball and by the time I picked him up, it was getting too late to bake the originally planed chicken wings for dinner. Hence hitting up Dominoes Pizza for a meal deal to take care of dinner. And the large up gradable value pizza deal of four pizzas + a couple of sides plus drinks offer did seem to tick all the (pizza) boxes for $47 delivered. Until we hit a couple of stumbling blocks:

Domino's Value range Aug 2024
They’ve got a rush on Mozzarella at Domino’s!
  1. The Domino’s large value pizza range is more lacklustre than a Bardot greatest hits album. Consisting of six meagre offerings of cheese + one other ingredient usually, they’re perfect for that picky child who only likes cheese and barely anything else on a pizza. For the rest of the world though, these choices are poor (The Value Max range doesn’t seem much better). If you want something else (like more than just something with cheese) you’re going to have to pay. Maybe an extra $3, maybe $5 depending on how far from the Domino’s large value range you dare to stray and since we had four in this house who didn’t want to suffer through a wall of mozzarella, you can see how suddenly the price jumped right up.
    (And forget ‘drowning in toppings’ like something from the family pizza down the round, that doesn’t seem to happen here with Domino’s..)
  2. I swear it was only last year (or maybe the one before that) when I found myself struggling to finish off a single Domino’s pizza, leaving at least a couple of slices of whatever I ordered in the fridge for a breakfast feast the next morning.
    Last night however? I polished the pizza off without a worry and half a garlic bread. Now for the record I’m roughly the same weight as last time and this wasn’t post workout, also I’d had breakfast and a decent sized lunch. This was large? Compared to what? What pizzas will shrink down to next year? Shrinkflation seems to really taken the take away pizza world by storm.
  3. Like the hopeful fool I am, I order the Domino’s Chicken Bacon and Avo because I’m a basic guy and I like the basics, like chicken and bacon and avacado. For the unitiated, that should look like this:
domino's chicken bacon and avo
Domino’s chicken, avo and bacon. This was what I was hoping for..

However like immediately after a megaton bomb drops, there was a stunning lack of green anywhere. There couldn’t be less green on the thing if you nuked every golf course on the planet from orbit. Given the price I just paid for the adventures of dough and cheese, I’m surprised there wasn’t a full avocado with the stone still in it perched on top of the pizza when I opened the box.

My wife waved it under a light and swears she saw a glimmer of something green under the see of yellow cheese somewhere but I was too hungry to look (or argue) and proceeded to munch away on my shrinkflation slices. The other 2/3rds of what I ordered was okay apart from the base being far too doughy.

Look I know things are expensive at the moment, I get that. But I reckon the last time we ordered Domino’s, a little over $45 worth of purchase filled the family, gave me ‘I think I ate too much’ regret and gave me breakfast too. Now in 2024 I find myself thinking of what else I could spend $65 dollars on to feed the family and it certainly isn’t take away Domino’s anymore..

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